标签： 上海龙凤1314

In clinical psychological counseling, couples or couples often encounter the problem of separation. The more you consult these questions, the more you can find that there is a natural conflict between love and distance. If we don’t handle it carefully, the probability of love losing to distance is still quite large. Therefore, whether it is a couple in love or an old couple who have been married for many years, it is a problem that we need to face up to and pay attention to.

The following analysis and suggestions can also provide reference for the situation that the family cannot be taken care of for some reasons.

Whether it’s a couple in love or an old couple who have been married for many years, being away from home is a problem that we need to face up to and pay attention to; Image from the network)

Why distance

Have such a great influence on love?

Speaking of this question, I have to talk about three essential elements of perfect love: intimacy, passion and commitment. The three elements of love were put forward by Robert Robert Jeffrey Sternberg, a professor of psychology at Yale University. He pointed out that different stages and types of love can be interpreted as different combinations of these three elements. For example, with the development of two people’s romantic relationship, the focus of each component will change. For example, there will be more passion at first, but gradually, commitment will become more important. Robert Jeffrey Sternberg also found that the duration of a relationship based on a single factor is not as long as that based on two or three factors.

Three elements of love: intimacy, passion and commitment; The size of the triangle indicates the degree of admiration, and the larger the triangle, the higher the degree of admiration; Each horn represents a unique type of love; Different combinations form seven different types of love; Image from the network)

Usually, the intimate relationship with the longest persistence and the highest satisfaction is obtained by the efforts of both partners to maintain intimacy and enhance their sense of responsibility.

In a long-distance relationship, intimacy is easily affected. Sometimes what can be solved by a hug leads to misunderstandings and the accumulation of negative emotions because of the obstacles of emotional expression.

Coupled with the cumulative effect of different living environments and different social circles, over time, it is likely that two people will have less and less common language and it will become more and more difficult to understand each other.

What is even more frightening is that it will wear away trust. There are many uncertain factors for two people who live in different places for a long time, such as a message or phone call that can’t be answered in time, a photo taken with other members of the opposite sex, a lie that hides their whereabouts, and so on, which may lead to the collapse of trust.

Therefore, the lack of intimacy is the key reason why many long-distance relationships lose to distance and time.

Lack of intimacy is the key reason why many long-distance relationships lose to distance and time; Image from the network)

How to overcome the troubles in different places?

Then how can we overcome the unfavorable factors brought by different places and maintain a harmonious and long-lasting relationship? We suggest that couples or couples who are experiencing the test in different places need to do the following work:

First, learn to communicate deeply and build a building of trust.

The hardest part to deal with in different places is communication. Many people think that communication mainly depends on language, but in actual communication, the influence of language information is very small, accounting for only about 7%, and tone, facial expression and body account for 93%. Therefore, when two people communicate in different places, it is impossible to fully understand each other’s emotional state, even if it is a video, it lacks the participation of touch and smell, and it is impossible to achieve a comprehensive experience. Therefore, it is very important to improve the depth and efficiency of communication.

For communication in different places, we suggest that the big principle is "report every day, learn to share, and don’t have a cold war".

(The principle of communication in different places: report every day, learn to share, and never have a cold war; Image from the network)

Many couples in different places are busy at work, so it may be unrealistic to report from time to time, but it may become a burden to each other. However, it is necessary to give a brief report every day, especially for men. Before going to bed, they should briefly talk about their day’s situation and the next day’s arrangements, voice messages or short calls. With such a habit, mutual trust will be enhanced.

By sharing your own life, you can let each other know about your living environment and dynamics and enhance each other’s sense of security.

But no matter how good two people are, conflicts are inevitable. Quarrel is not terrible, but couples in different places should not use the cold war to deal with conflicts.

Second, strengthen the sense of ceremony, and farewell is better than marriage.

The preservation of two people’s love needs a sense of ceremony, and it is more urgent for both parties in different places to achieve the state of "a little farewell is better than a new marriage" by strengthening the sense of ceremony.

We can strengthen the sense of ritual in getting along from two aspects, one is to make rules, and the other is to create romance.

You can strengthen the sense of ritual in getting along in two ways: making rules and creating romance; Image from the network)

At the beginning of different places, it is necessary to make some rules to ensure the constant love interaction between two people. For example, talk every day, say good night to each other every day, and make regular video calls; Regarding communication, we must speak out if there are contradictions, instead of holding them in our hearts and fighting for the night; Regarding trust, no matter how busy you are, you should explain it in advance and share it briefly, and you must explain the unexpected situation afterwards. These agreements will subconsciously make us cherish our feelings and make the feelings in different places more stable.

In creating romance, many couples, especially girls, need to feel loved, so don’t ignore each other’s needs and set aside time to take care of her emotions and express their feelings. Properly expressing your thoughts and love for each other can make each other feel cared for. You can also often create some surprises for each other, such as writing a few love words to each other and singing a love song to each other. If you travel frequently, when you meet again, you should buy some carefully selected gifts for the other party, such as what the other party mentioned to you, to let the other party know that you are thinking about her at any time, so as to achieve the effect that parting is better than getting married.

Third, create romantic expectations and give full play to the power of commitment.

For a long-distance relationship, commitment is an important driving force for each other to overcome the current difficulties. If there is no expectation for the future, it is difficult for two people to resist the suffering of loneliness and missing. Therefore, when you are in a different place, you must increase the chances of meeting as much as possible, and before each separation, you can start to create the expectation of meeting next time, and try to be specific and look forward to it together. For example, "Let’s meet in a month, and I’ll cook you a big seafood dinner, so that you can taste my loving cooking skills.".

(When you are in a different place, you must increase the chances of meeting as much as possible, and before each separation, you can start to create the expectation of meeting next time, try to be specific and look forward to it together, but don’t break your promise; Image from the network)

Expectation can be divided into short-term goals and long-term goals.

Short-term goals can be aimed at mutual interests, such as traveling together, shopping together, climbing mountains together, watching movies together, etc. You can make a detailed plan, work together and implement it one by one, so that more connections can be built.

Don’t break your promise, if it doesn’t come true, and blame each other, the balance of your emotional savings account will be less and less.

The long-term goal is about the expectations of being together in the future. Couples in love can look forward to the wedding picture together, how romantic the wedding is, how exquisite the home decoration is, and how interesting the future life will be. For example, "When we get married in the future, we must raise a lovely kitten at home and have a particularly lovely child. I will take pictures of you, the kitten and the child, and I will be very happy when I think about it."

For married couples, how to solve the problem of separation between the two places is a very realistic topic. The other party may understand the needs of temporary career development, but if career development is always put above the needs of the other party, the probability of emotional problems is still very high if two people get together for a long time, so it is necessary to take care of how long to solve the problem in different places and how to make up for each other’s feelings, and give a promise to make the other party really feel at ease.

This paper is adapted from Intimate Relationship Management —— How to Deal with Conflicts in Intimate Relationship Rationally.

If you have other questions about marriage or physical and mental health, please feel free to give us feedback, and we will choose appropriate topics to answer questions on popular science.

Contribution/Publicity Department of Public Security Department

Editor/Seagull

Original title: "Better Police Body and Mind | How to Keep Love from Losing to Distance"

Read the original text

　　　　Yesterday (2nd) at 3pm, in the consultation room of Beijing Meteorological Bureau, all kinds of cloud pictures and data were constantly switched on the big screen, and several analysts told their forecast views one by one before going on stage. Since the beginning of winter, except for two small-scale snowfalls in the outer suburbs in December 2008, almost no snow has fallen in Beijing, which makes the Spring Festival in 2009 less of a landscape and adds a little disappointment to people who are looking forward to the snowy scene.

　　　　Tomorrow is beginning of spring, and the Lantern Festival will be held in a few days. Will there be a "timely snow" coming to Beijing? Why is it difficult to snow in Beijing this winter? Our reporter interviewed Sun Jisong, the chief forecaster of Beijing Meteorological Bureau, to dispel doubts and doubts about snow.

　　Northwest airflow sings "one-man show"

　　Cause a winter without snow

　　　　Cloudy and sunny-the sky over Beijing is still calm. According to the forecast of Beijing Meteorological Observatory, the weather will be mainly sunny to cloudy this week, and the highest temperature will reach 10 degrees Celsius. Tomorrow will be beginning of spring, and in the more than 100 days since October 24th last year, there have been only two snowfalls in Yanqing in the north and Pinggu in the northeast-December 10th and 23rd, 2008. In the urban area of Beijing, there is still no effective snowfall. Only sporadic snowflakes appeared on December 10 last year, but they were fleeting and the precipitation was only 0.1 mm.

　　　　"This year’s situation is rare, but it is also normal." Sun Jisong, chief forecaster of Beijing Meteorological Observatory, said that historically, the winter precipitation in Beijing has not been large, and the precipitation from December to February of the following year is usually about 10 mm, so it cannot be said that there is no precipitation in winter. Tracing back to history, the last winter with almost no precipitation was in 1970. However, since October 24, 2008, there has been no precipitation in the urban area this winter, which is really rare.

　　　　A report in Sun Jisong’s hand shows that water shortage is not confined to Beijing. This winter, droughts occurred in Hebei, Shanxi, Henan and other places. According to media reports, the current drought has a wide range and a long duration, which is basically rare for many years.

　　　　"It should be said that there is no direct connection between no snow and warm winter." The computer in the consultation room shows that daily maximum temperature in some urban areas of Beijing has exceeded 10 degrees Celsius in the past two days. However, Sun Jisong said that in addition to cold air, the formation of snowfall must have water vapor transportation and appropriate ground temperature, and several factors are indispensable. However, there is no snow this winter, and the main reason is water shortage-the water vapor transportation has been "broken".

　　　　Sun Jisong introduced that from the perspective of Beijing, water vapor mainly comes from two channels. One is the water vapor brought by the southwest warm and humid airflow from the south of the Yangtze River, especially the snowfall, which often has the characteristics of large snowfall and long snowfall time, and often becomes the "main force" factor of snowfall in Beijing; The other source of water vapor is the water vapor brought by the easterly airflow from the Bohai Sea and the Yellow Sea. However, due to its short transport length, its snowfall is characterized by a small amount of snow.

　　　　Since December last year, there have been four cold waves sweeping the city, but all of them are mainly cooled by strong winds. "This winter, the northwest wind is mainly prevalent in Beijing, which is not conducive to the transportation of these two streams of water vapor. However, the easterly wind or southwest wind formed occasionally through the change of atmospheric circulation has basically not formed this year, so the water vapor transportation has basically been broken. " Sun Jisong said that the Chibi-style "sudden change of the wind and cloud" is pitiful, and it has not been encountered once this winter, which can be said to be "reasonable and unexpected".

　　　　Investigate and dispel doubts

　　Four conjectures about "No Snow"

　　　　Conjecture 1

　　Is it possible to snow on the fifteenth day of the first month?

　　　　On the sixth day of the Lunar New Year’s Eve, in a ski resort in Mentougou, Mona Lee skated with several friends. The only thing that made him regret was that the mountains beside the ski resort were bare. "I can’t even take a picture of Zhang Xuejing. There is no snow outside the slide. It is artificial at first glance."

　　　　In many people’s minds, snow and Chinese New Year are inseparable. If there are no snowflakes, the taste of the year will be much less. In the snow-free winter, can we make up for everyone’s regrets at the Lantern Festival? Sun Jisong, chief forecaster of Beijing Meteorological Observatory, said that such a wish may be difficult to realize. From the analysis of the current data, it is unlikely that it will snow in the next ten days or so, that is, during the Lantern Festival.

　　　　"But we can’t say that there is no hope at all." Sun Jisong said that due to the rapid change of atmospheric circulation, there may be changes, but from the whole circulation background, it is difficult for water vapor in the south to reach Beijing. There may be a small amount of precipitation in central and southern Hebei and southwestern Shanxi. "But if snowfall wants to come to Beijing, I am afraid it is still difficult to achieve."

　　　　Conjecture 2

　　"Sequela" of Meteorological Intervention?

　　　　"More than a thousand rockets were fired at the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games to eliminate the rain. It won’t eliminate all the rain in a year, will it?" Some netizens questioned whether large-scale artificial intervention in the weather would have a "sequela" to the overall climate. For such a question, Sun Jisong said that in the face of nature, the intervention that human beings can do is extremely small and it is impossible to have an impact on long-term climate change. "In fact, every time it rains, we basically carry out precipitation enhancement operations." Sun Jisong said that due to the long-term drought in the northern region, basically every precipitation process throughout the year, the relevant departments will carry out precipitation enhancement operations, and the snowfall process is no exception. If there is snow, artificial "snow increase" measures will be taken. According to media reports, from February 1 ST to February 2 nd, the weather modification department of Luoyang City, Henan Province seized the opportunity of weak cold air crossing the border and successfully implemented artificial precipitation enhancement. "But only when there is water in the sky can we make it fall to the ground as much as possible."

　　　　Guess 3

　　Is the Three Gorges Project the Source of Extreme Weather?

　　　　In recent years, the term "extreme weather" has appeared more and more in public, and the coincidence of these extreme weather occurrences and the completion time of the Three Gorges Dam also makes many people suspect that the Three Gorges Dam is the source of extreme weather.

　　　　"The problem of the Three Gorges is a cliche, but from a scientific point of view, the statement that the Three Gorges caused extreme weather is unfounded." Climate change often involves thousands of kilometers in Fiona Fang. Compared with this climate background, Sun Jisong described the Three Gorges as a small "puddle", and it is difficult to have any impact on the overall climate if there is such a puddle.

　　　　"At present, most climatologists believe that global warming will cause an increase in extreme weather." With global warming, the frequency of extreme weather is increasing, but how global warming affects the appearance of extreme weather and what is the inevitable relationship between them is still an unsolved mystery.

　　　　Guess 4

　　Beijing this summer

　　Will there be a drought?

　　　　Is there a scientific truth behind the poetic folk proverbs, such as "Yun Zheyue on August 15th, the lights on the fifteenth day of the first month when it snows" and "It doesn’t snow when it’s cold, and the fields crack when it’s summer"?

　　　　"Folk proverbs are more similar to statistical induction, and some of them have some truth," Sun Jisong said. The predictions in folk proverbs are not necessarily correct, and winter drought does not mean that summer drought will continue. "The weather on a certain day is not necessarily related to the weather on a certain day in a few months."

　　　　"However, the lack of snowfall will increase the possibility of pests and diseases, which will have a negative impact on the growth of overwintering crops. From this perspective, it will indeed have a certain impact on agriculture if it does not snow in winter." Snow-free winter not only has less flavor, but also lack of snow can cause many problems. In an interview with the media, Pan Jiahua, director of the Urban Development and Environment Research Center of China Academy of Social Sciences, said that precipitation will make the living environment worse and seriously restrict social production. "Although warming in winter can shorten the heating time and reduce related expenses, its disadvantages still outweigh its advantages."

　　Investigation reminder

　　Watch out for colds when it’s dry and snowy.

　　　　During the Spring Festival, Dr. He, who works in a community hospital, was busy. Due to the dry air, the number of patients with sudden respiratory diseases suddenly increased during the Spring Festival. Every day, the hospital received dozens of patients who had infusion bottles, and the top three hospitals were crowded. Experts said that due to the low air humidity, some viruses are easy to reproduce and easily lead to a series of diseases. During the Spring Festival in Beijing Children’s Hospital, an average of nearly 5000 children came to see a doctor every day. On the first normal outpatient day after the festival, more than 4,000 outpatient visits were made in the morning alone. Among them, children with respiratory tract infection are the most.

　　　　"It doesn’t snow, which is very bad for human health." Doctors at Chaoyang Hospital in Beijing said that because of the dry air, people are prone to chapped lips, bleeding nostrils and itchy throat. When the air humidity is lower than 40%, the respiratory mucosa of the nose and lungs will be dehydrated and the elasticity will be reduced, making dust, bacteria, etc. easily attached to the mucosa, stimulating the throat and causing cough.

　　　　However, the spread of cold will be accelerated because of the accelerated reproduction of influenza virus in dry environment and its survival on floating dust. However, due to the failure of "wet deposition", urban air pollution will be serious and respiratory diseases such as asthma and pneumonia will be easily caused.

　　　　"The way to prevent diseases is a cliche, but many people always pay no attention." Experts say that opening windows regularly to ventilate and maintain indoor humidity will help prevent diseases. At the same time, we should try to avoid going to crowded areas. People with respiratory diseases should wear masks when going out.

　　　　Reporter Wu Nan

Editor: Gao Song